H U M O R Opcje

[spenalzo]

(IMG:http://www.joemonster.org/mig/albums/Zdjecia/Samochody/auto025.jpg)

(IMG:http://www.joemonster.org/mig/albums/Zdjecia/Smirnoff/smirnoff018.jpg)

[spenalzo]

(IMG:http://www.joemonster.org/mig/albums/Zdjecia/Historia/history006.jpg)

(IMG:http://www.joemonster.org/mig/albums/Zdjecia/Reklama/reklama01.jpg)

(IMG:http://www.joemonster.org/mig/albums/Zdjecia/Milionerzy/milionerzy2.jpg)
- Wybieram odpowiedź C.

(IMG:http://www.joemonster.org/mig/albums/Z%20życia%20wzięte/Urwany%20film/uf351.jpg)
III Spotkanie Developerów php.pl

.

[BzikOS]

Gdzie można sięzapisać na IV Spotkanie Developerów (IMG:http://forum.php.pl/style_emoticons/default/questionmark.gif) ?

(IMG:http://republika.pl/spenalzo/e/rotfl.gif)

[Seth]

III dopiero ma byc (IMG:http://forum.php.pl/style_emoticons/default/tongue.gif)
wiec chyba to lekkie wyprzedzenie faktow ;P

[rzseattle]

(IMG:http://nowy.polski.slownik.pijacki.ez.pl/rodzina.jpg)

50 spotkanie developerow (od lewej seth, BzikOS, spenalzo)
przyjecie ostatecznego algorytmu dla kolejki w jadrze TOTHa

(IMG:http://forum.php.pl/style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif) (IMG:http://forum.php.pl/style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif) (IMG:http://forum.php.pl/style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif)

[spenalzo]

50 spotkanie developerow (od lewej seth, BzikOS, spenalzo)
przyjecie ostatecznego algorytmu dla kolejki w jadrze TOTHa

Wypraszam sobie!!!

Ja nie mam takich wąsów. (IMG:http://spenalzo.republika.pl/e/lol.gif)

[rzseattle]

Wypraszam sobie!!!

Ja nie mam takich wąsów. (IMG:http://spenalzo.republika.pl/e/lol.gif)

A skad wiesz. Ogladales kiedys "Back to the future"?

[spenalzo]

O kurde...
Nie chcę wyglądać jak gazer... Ze stresu o przyszłość to ja się chyba zapiję..

[xavier]

Zapraszam na stronkę mojej klasy, z której można ściągnąć nasze pomysły..... (IMG:http://forum.php.pl/style_emoticons/default/biggrin.gif)
W szczególności polecam dział MP3...

[scanner]

50 spotkanie developerow (od lewej seth, BzikOS, spenalzo)

No wstyd i hańba!! A ja to sie już w kadrze nie zmieściłem?

[scanner]

22:50 | <spenalzo> wiecie co? udalo mi sie przedwczoraj dodzwonic na infolinie neostrady :-))))
22:51 | <_scanner> i?
22:51 | <spenalzo> ale powiedzieli ze asyste techniczna zamawia sie pod 1, to sie rozlaczylem i zadzwonilem. A tam powiedziel ze pod 2 i kto mnie na 1 przyslal?!
22:51 | <_scanner> "aa.. pan spenalzo.. nie, wciaz nie dziala..."
22:51 | <Marek> (IMG:http://forum.php.pl/style_emoticons/default/winksmiley.jpg)
22:52 | <^Sh4dow> no tak dosc ciekawe podejscie
22:52 | <Marek> dzien dobry, tutaj info linia tpsa. jesli jestes spenalzo nacisnij 1 (IMG:http://forum.php.pl/style_emoticons/default/snitch.gif)

[spenalzo]

http://leszek.miller.swellserver.com/news/...worldrecord.php

BTW: Baaardzo smieszne z tpsa ;-P
(IMG:http://spenalzo.republika.pl/e/zygi.gif)

[Marusz]

Nie ma to jak sie nudzic wieczorowa pora (IMG:http://forum.php.pl/style_emoticons/default/snitch.gif)

(IMG:http://mznews.republika.pl/dzieciak.jpg)

(IMG:http://mznews.republika.pl/gienia.jpg)

(IMG:http://mznews.republika.pl/szafka.jpg)

[spenalzo]

ROTFL x 3
(IMG:http://spenalzo.republika.pl/e/hahaha.gif) (IMG:http://spenalzo.republika.pl/e/lol.gif) (IMG:http://spenalzo.republika.pl/e/rotfl.gif) (IMG:http://spenalzo.republika.pl/e/co_jest.gif)

update:
proszę sie nie naśmiewac z mojej walki z tpsa to bardzo poważna sprawa! (IMG:http://forum.php.pl/style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif)
(IMG:http://spenalzo.republika.pl/e/killer.gif)

[spenalzo]

http://www.allegro.pl/show_item.php?item=16314426

(IMG:http://republika.pl/spenalzo/e/rotfl.gif)

[no comments]

[wassago]

buahahahahahahahahhahahahaha
ale film (IMG:http://forum.php.pl/style_emoticons/default/biggrin.gif) :D tamu gosciowi to bym zrobil tak (IMG:http://www.phpbb.com/styles/gallery/albums/Smiles/Huge_Smiley_Pack/blowingup.gif)

[spenalzo]

http://zoo3.webpark.pl/gryonline/gry1/dancingbush1.htm
http://zoo3.webpark.pl/gryonline/gry1/bushaerobics.htm

[spenalzo]

(IMG:http://spenalzo.republika.pl/gdansk.gif)

[Seth]

Queen song gone wrong ! Sung to Bohemian Rhapsody
Is this the real world?
Is this just fantasy?
Caught in a LAN-slide
No ESC to reality.
open(2) your files,
Look after your while()s in C;
Its just a cheap toy, but dearer than Symphony™
With it's wheezy cough, noisy beep
Address clash, little sleep
Anything but Windows™,
Nothing beats class lib'ries to me,
To me.

Mama,
Just killed a RAM
Got some static on its pins,
Now I don't see the dust bin,
Mama,
'Write' had just been run,
But now I've got to throw it all away
Mama, ooooooh,
Didn't mean to make it fry
If I've no stack to overflow tomorrow,
Carry one, carry one,
'Cause there's nothing like class lib'ries.

Too late, My time(2) has come
Send lightning down my line
Stop my make(1) before it's time
Goodbye, everybody,
I've got to go,
Gotta leave you all behind and read Knuth.

Mama, ooooooh, (Anything but Windows™)
I don't want to *sigh*
I sometimes wish I'd never known Bourne at all.
I see a little silhouetto of a man(1),
Scarramouche, Scarramouche,
Did you run the test script yet?
Thunderbolt and lightning,
Blowing up my modem, me.
Gone away now,
Gone away now,
Gone away now, Windows™ froze.
Its worse than crap (oh oh oh oh)

It's just a cheap toy, ev'rybody has three
It's just a cheap toy from a cheap company
Spare us our lifes from this monstrosity!
Wheezy cough, noisy beep, will you let us sleep?
Drink Miller! GNU! We will not let you sleep!
let us sleep!)
Drink Miller! GNU! We will not let you sleep!
(let us sleep!)
Drink Miller! Will not let you sleep (let us sleep!)
Will not let you sleep (let us sleep!)
Will not let you sleep (let us sleep!)
GNU, GNU, GNU, GNU, GNU, GNU GNU!
Oh Mama mia, mama mia,
Mama mia, let us sleep!
Be-el-ze-Gates has a widget put beside my tree,
my tree,
my tree!

So you think you can force me to use '95?
So you think you can love me and leave me no drives?
Oh, baby,
Can't do this to me baby,
Just gotta c-out, just gotta get write(2) out of here.

Nothing beats class lib'ries,
Anything in C,
Nothing beats class lib'ries,
Nothing beats class lib'ries to me.

Anything but Windows™.


---------------------------------------------------------------------


The Evolution of a Programmer
===================
High School/Jr.High
===================

10 PRINT "HELLO WORLD"
20 END

=====================
First year in College
=====================

program Hello(input, output)
begin
writeln('Hello World');
end.

======================
Senior year in College
======================

(defun hello
(print
(cons 'Hello (list 'World))))

================
New professional
================

#include
void main(void)
{
char *message[] = {"Hello ", "World"};
int i;

for(i = 0; i < 2; ++i)
printf("%s", message[i]);
printf("n");
}

====================
Seasoned professional
=====================

#include
#include

class string
{
private:
int size;
char *ptr;

public:
string() : size(0), ptr(new char('')) {}

string(const string &s) : size(s.size)
{
ptr = new char[size + 1];
strcpy(ptr, s.ptr);
}

~string()
{
delete [] ptr;
}

friend ostream &operator <<(ostream &, const string &);
string &operator=(const char *);
};

ostream &operator<<(ostream &stream, const string &s)
{
return(stream << s.ptr);
}

string &string::operator=(const char *chrs)
{
if (this != &chrs)
{
delete [] ptr;
size = strlen(chrs);
ptr = new char[size + 1];
strcpy(ptr, chrs);
}
return(*this);
}

int main()
{
string str;

str = "Hello World";
cout << str << endl;

return(0);
}

=================
Master Programmer
=================

[
uuid(2573F8F4-CFEE-101A-9A9F-00AA00342820)
]
library LHello
{
// bring in the master library
importlib("actimp.tlb");
importlib("actexp.tlb");

// bring in my interfaces
#include "pshlo.idl"

[
uuid(2573F8F5-CFEE-101A-9A9F-00AA00342820)
]
cotype THello
{
interface IHello;
interface IPersistFile;
};
};

[
exe,
uuid(2573F890-CFEE-101A-9A9F-00AA00342820)
]
module CHelloLib
{

// some code related header files
importheader();
importheader();
importheader();
importheader("pshlo.h");
importheader("shlo.hxx");
importheader("mycls.hxx");

// needed typelibs
importlib("actimp.tlb");
importlib("actexp.tlb");
importlib("thlo.tlb");

[
uuid(2573F891-CFEE-101A-9A9F-00AA00342820),
aggregatable
]
coclass CHello
{
cotype THello;
};
};

#include "ipfix.hxx"
extern HANDLE hEvent;
class CHello : public CHelloBase
{
public:
IPFIX(CLSID_CHello);

CHello(IUnknown *pUnk);
~CHello();

HRESULT __stdcall PrintSz(LPWSTR pwszString);

private:
static int cObjRef;
};

#include
#include
#include
#include
#include "thlo.h"
#include "pshlo.h"
#include "shlo.hxx"
#include "mycls.hxx"

int CHello:cObjRef = 0;

CHello::CHello(IUnknown *pUnk) : CHelloBase(pUnk)
{
cObjRef++;
return;
}

HRESULT __stdcall CHello::PrintSz(LPWSTR pwszString)
{
printf("%wsn", pwszString);
return(ResultFromScode(S_OK));
}


CHello::~CHello(void)
{

// when the object count goes to zero, stop the server
cObjRef--;
if( cObjRef == 0 )
PulseEvent(hEvent);

return;
}

#include
#include
#include "pshlo.h"
#include "shlo.hxx"
#include "mycls.hxx"

HANDLE hEvent;

int _cdecl main(
int argc,
char * argv[]
) {
ULONG ulRef;
DWORD dwRegistration;
CHelloCF *pCF = new CHelloCF();

hEvent = CreateEvent(NULL, FALSE, FALSE, NULL);

// Initialize the OLE libraries
CoInitiali, NULL);

// Initialize the OLE libraries
CoInitializeEx(NULL, COINIT_MULTITHREADED);

CoRegisterClassObject(CLSID_CHello, pCF, CLSCTX_LOCAL_SERVER,
REGCLS_MULTIPLEUSE, &dwRegistration);

// wait on an event to stop
WaitForSingleObject(hEvent, INFINITE);

// revoke and release the class object
CoRevokeClassObject(dwRegistration);
ulRef = pCF->Release();

// Tell OLE we are going away.
CoUninitialize();

return(0); }

extern CLSID CLSID_CHello;
extern UUID LIBID_CHelloLib;

CLSID CLSID_CHello = { /* 2573F891-CFEE-101A-9A9F-00AA00342820 */
0x2573F891,
0xCFEE,
0x101A,
{ 0x9A, 0x9F, 0x00, 0xAA, 0x00, 0x34, 0x28, 0x20 }
};

UUID LIBID_CHelloLib = { /* 2573F890-CFEE-101A-9A9F-00AA00342820 */
0x2573F890,
0xCFEE,
0x101A,
{ 0x9A, 0x9F, 0x00, 0xAA, 0x00, 0x34, 0x28, 0x20 }
};

#include
#include
#include
#include
#include
#include "pshlo.h"
#include "shlo.hxx"
#include "clsid.h"

int _cdecl main(
int argc,
char * argv[]
) {
HRESULT hRslt;
IHello *pHello;
ULONG ulCnt;
IMoniker * pmk;
WCHAR wcsT[_MAX_PATH];
WCHAR wcsPath[2 * _MAX_PATH];

// get object path
wcsPath[0] = '';
wcsT[0] = '';
if( argc > 1) {
mbstowcs(wcsPath, argv[1], strlen(argv[1]) + 1);
wcsupr(wcsPath);
}
else {
fprintf(stderr, "Object path must be specifiedn");
return(1);
}

// get print string
if(argc > 2)
mbstowcs(wcsT, argv[2], strlen(argv[2]) + 1);
else
wcscpy(wcsT, L"Hello World");

printf("Linking to object %wsn", wcsPath);
printf("Text String %wsn", wcsT);

// Initialize the OLE libraries
hRslt = CoInitializeEx(NULL, COINIT_MULTITHREADED);

if(SUCCEEDED(hRslt)) {

hRslt = CreateFileMoniker(wcsPath, &pmk);
if(SUCCEEDED(hRslt))
hRslt = BindMoniker(pmk, 0, IID_IHello, (void **)&pHello);

if(SUCCEEDED(hRslt)) {

// print a string out
pHello->PrintSz(wcsT);

Sleep(2000);
ulCnt = pHello->Release();
}
else
printf("Failure to connect, status: %lx", hRslt);

// Tell OLE we are going away.
CoUninitialize();
}

return(0);
}

=================
Apprentice Hacker
=================

#!/usr/local/bin/perl
$msg="Hello, world.n";
if ($#ARGV >= 0) {
while(defined($arg=shift(@ARGV))) {
$outfilename = $arg;
open(FILE, ">" . $outfilename) || die "Can't write $arg: $!n";
print (FILE $msg);
close(FILE) || die "Can't close $arg: $!n";
}
} else {
print ($msg);
}
1;

==================
Experienced Hacker
==================

#include
#define S "Hello, Worldn"
main(){exit(printf(S) == strlen(S) ? 0 : 1);}

===============
Seasoned Hacker
===============

% cc -o a.out ~/src/misc/hw/hw.c
% a.out

===========
Guru Hacker
===========

% cat
Hello, world.
^D

=====================
AXE System programmer
=====================

LL0:
.seg "data"
.seg "text"
.proc 04
.global _main
_main:
!#PROLOGUE# 0
sethi %hi(LF26),%g1
add %g1,%lo(LF26),%g1
save %sp,%g1,%sp
!#PROLOGUE# 1
.seg "data1"
L30:
.ascii "Hello, World12"
.seg "text"
.seg "data1"
L32:
.ascii "Hello, World12"
.seg "text"
set L32,%o0
call _strlen,1
nop
mov %o0,%i5
set L30,%o0
call _printf,1
nop
cmp %o0,%i5
bne L2000000
nop
mov 0,%o0
b L2000001
nop
L2000000:
mov 0x1,%o0
L2000001:
call _exit,1
nop
LE26:
ret
restore
LF26 = -96
LP26 = 96
LST26 = 96
LT26 = 96
.seg "data"

0000000 0103 0107 0000 0060 0000 0020 0000 0000
0000020 0000 0030 0000 0000 0000 0054 0000 0000
0000040 033f ffff 8200 63a0 9de3 8001 1100 0000
0000060 9012 2000 4000 0000 0100 0000 ba10 0008
0000100 1100 0000 9012 2000 4000 0000 0100 00 ba10 0008
0000100 1100 0000 9012 2000 4000 0000 0100 0000
0000120 80a2 001d 1280 0005 0100 0000 9010 2000
0000140 1080 0003 0100 0000 9010 2001 4000 0000
0000160 0100 0000 81c7 e008 81e8 0000 0000 0000
0000200 4865 6c6c 6f2c 2057 6f72 6c64 0a00 4865
0000220 6c6c 6f2c 2057 6f72 6c64 0a00 0000 0000
0000240 0000 000c 0000 0608 0000 006e 0000 0010
0000260 0000 060b 0000 006e 0000 0014 0000 0286
0000300 ffff ffec 0000 0020 0000 0608 0000 0060
0000320 0000 0024 0000 060b 0000 0060 0000 0028
0000340 0000 0186 ffff ffd8 0000 004c 0000 0386
0000360 ffff ffb4 0000 0004 0500 0000 0000 0000
0000400 0000 000a 0100 0000 0000 0000 0000 0012
0000420 0100 0000 0000 0000 0000 001a 0100 0000
0000440 0000 0000 0000 0020 5f6d 6169 6e00 5f70
0000460 7269 6e74 6600 5f73 7472 6c65 6e00 5f65
0000500 7869 7400
0000504

% axe_generate -f system.uhdl
Application 'Exchange' generated
2324042350000000 source code lines
No Errors detected.
Hardware retrieval...done OK
Certification Test...done OK
Packing..............done OK
Delivery.............done OK
Application 'Exchange' delivered to customer
23456000 bytes/sec.
End processing, 2345 seconds.

===========================
Ultra high level programmer
===========================

system.uhdl :

SYSTEM
CREATE ScreenWin
SIZE 20000000/Unit=One
DESTINATION Order.dest[One]
OUTPUT CHARACTER['Hello world']
END
END

===========
New Manager
===========

10 PRINT "HELLO WORLD"
20 END

==============
Middle Manager
==============

mail -s "Hello, world." bob@b12

Bob, could you please write me a program that prints
"Hello, world."? I need it by tomorrow.

^D

==============
Senior Manager
==============

% zmail all

I need a "Hello, world." program by this afternoon.

===============
Chief Executive
===============

% message
message: Command not found
% pm
pm: Command not found
% letter
letter: Command not found.
% mail
To: ^X ^F ^C
> help mail
help: Command not found.
>what
what: Command not found
>need help
need: Command not found
> damn!
!: Event unrecognized
>exit
exit: Unknown
>quit
%
% logout

Bipppp ! Mrs Thomsson ? Please page Tommy for me. NOW !


---------------------------------------------------------------------


The Tao of Programming
Thus spake the master programmer:
"When you have learned to snatch the error code from the trap frame, it will be time for you to leave."

Thus spake the master programmer:

"After three days without programming, life becomes meaningless."

Thus spake the master programmer:

"When a program is being tested, it is too late to make design changes." Thus spake the master programmer:

"A well-written program is its own heaven; a poorly-written program is its own hell."

Thus spake the master programmer:

"Though a program be but three lines long, someday it will have to be maintained."

Thus spake the master programmer:

"You can demonstrate a program for a corporate executive, but you can't make him computer literate."

Thus spake the master programmer:

"Let the programmers be many and the managers few -- then all will be productive."

Thus spake the master programmer:

"Without the wind, the grass does not move. Without software, hardware is useless."

Thus spake the master programmer:

"Time for you to leave."

Something mysterious is formed, born in the silent void. Waiting alone and unmoving, it is at once still and yet in constant motion. It is the source of all programs. I do not know its name, so I will call it the Tao of Programming.

If the Tao is great, then the operating system is great. If the operating system is great, then the compiler is great. If the compiler is great, then the application is great. The user is pleased and there is harmony in the world.

The Tao of Programming flows far away and returns on the wind of morning.

The Tao gave birth to machine language.
Machine language gave birth to the assembler.

The assembler gave birth to the compiler.
Now there are ten thousand languages.

Each language has its purpose, however humble.
Each language expresses the Yin and Yang of software.
Each language has its place within the Tao.

But do not program in COBOL if you can avoid it.

In the beginning was the Tao. The Tao gave birth to Space and Time. Therefore, Space and Time are the Yin and Yang of programming.

Programmers that do not comprehend the Tao are always running out of time and space for their programs. Programmers that comprehend the Tao always have enough time and space to accomplish their goals.

How could it be otherwise?

The wise programmer is told about the Tao and follows it.
The average programmer is told about the Tao and searches for it.
The foolish programmer is told about the Tao and laughs at it.

If it were not for laughter, there would be no Tao.

The highest sounds are the hardest to hear. Going forward is a way to retreat. Greater talent shows itself late in life. Even a perfect program still has bugs.

The programmers of old were mysterious and profound. We cannot fathom their thoughts, so all we do is describe their appearance:

Aware, like a fox crossing the water. Alert, like a general on the battlefield. Kind, like a hostess greeting her guests. Simple, like uncarved blocks of wood. Opaque, like black pools in darkened caves.

Who can tell the secrets of their hearts and minds?

The answer exists only in the Tao.

[pagolik]

Mała porcja humory:

Przychodzi Jaś do domu i krzyczy:
-Mamo, mamo dzieci sie ze mnie smieją ze mam rude wlosy!!!
-Jasieńku to nieprawda, ale prosze, odejdz od okna bo sąsiedzi pomyslą ze jest pozar!
-----------------------------------
Przychodzi Jaś do domu i krzyczy:
-Mamo, mamo dzieci sie ze mnie śmieja ze mam długie zęby!!!
-Jasieńku to nieprawda, ale prosze, zamknij buzię bo rysujesz podłogę!
-----------------------------------
Za siedmioma lasami, za siedmioma rzekami, za siedmioma górami zył sobie krasnoludek Jas.Codziennie rano wychodzil przed chatke i mowil:
-o k***a, jak ja mam wszedzie daleko!!!
-----------------------------------
Pani powiedziala zeby ulozyc zdanie z ptakami.
Zglosil sie Jas:
Jas: Tata przyszedł do domu nawalony jak szpak.
Pani: a z dwoma ?
J: Tata przyszedł do domu nawalony jak szpak i wywinął orła.
P: A z trzema Cwaniaczku ?
J: Tata przyszedł do domu nawalony jak Szpak, wywinął Orła, poczym puścił Pawia
P: A z czterema ?
J: Tata przyszedł do domu nawalony jak Szpak, wywinął Orła, poczym puścił Pawia, aż mu dwa Gile wyszły z nosa.
P: Jak powiesz z pięcioma to dam ci szustke.
J: Tata przyszedł do domu nawalony jak Szpak, wywinął Orła, poczym puścił Pawia, aż mu dwa Gile wyszły z nosa, a potem dalej poszedł pić na Sępa....
------------------------------------
jasiu dostał na gwiazdke kolejkei sie nia bawi.
-ku*** wsiadac drzwi zamykac, ku*** wsiadac drzwi zamykac!
tato jasia przychodzi i mówi
-jasiu tak nie wolno mowic. jeszcze pare razy tak powiesz to staniesz w koncie.
sytuacja powtorzyła sie kilka razy az wreszcie jasiu stanal na dwie godz.
po dwoch godz.
-ku***wsiadac drzwi zamykac,kurwa wsiadac drzwi zamykac, bo przez tego chu** mamy dwie godziny spoznienia
-------------------------------------
Mamo a tata mnie zbił dwa razy!!!
- A czemu aż dwa?
- Bo raz jak mu pokazałem świadectwo, a drugi jak zobaczył że to jego
-------------------------------------
Jasiu ma już 30 lat.
Kumpel Jasia pyta sie Go czy wie jak nazywa sie zupa z wielu Kur?
Jasiu -- Nie wiem
K.J. --Rosół skur*****
Jasiu nastepnego dnia w pracy do szefa.
Wie pan jak nazywa sie zupa z wielu kur.
Szef że nie wie
Na to Jasiu: Rosół Ty Chu**

Jak juz te dowcipy bylo to sorka ale nie chcialo misie tyle stron czytac (IMG:http://forum.php.pl/style_emoticons/default/smile.gif)